Christmas Cracker Jokes

Match up the questions with the answers!

1. What did the legs say to the lady putting on her tights?
2. Why did the turkey join the band?
3. What do you call a lazy skeleton?
4. What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
5. What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
6. What does Santa Claus use to weed his garden?
7. Where do fish wash?
8. What did the fireman say when the church caught fire?
9. What's the most popular gardening magazine in the world?
10. Why is an elephant large, grey and wrinkly?
11. How do you start a teddy bear race?
12. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
13. What lies in a pram and wobbles?
14. What do ghosts like about tall buildings?

• Ready, teddy go!
• Freeze a jolly good fellow!
• Weeders Digest
• A woolly jumper!
• Because it had the drumsticks
• Because if it were small, white and smooth it woould be an aspirin!
• They have got lots of scare cases!
• Do you think he saw us!
• In the river basin
• A jelly baby
• Holy smoke!
• That's another fine mesh you've got us into!
• Bone idle!
• His hoe hoe hoe!

Anyway got any 'better' ones?

Christmas Past ...

Memories of Xmas past anyone?

Christmas 1996 was special for us in York because it was Matthew's first one. Three particular memories come to mind:

• The boiler broke on December 22nd ... a Sunday I'm sure from memory that year! Somehow managed to get an engineer out on Christmas Eve ... what an unbelievable bloke ... had to drive to Leeds for a new part at lunchtime, rearranging his own family's outing to the cinema that afternoon! Clearly he'd taken pity on us having a new baby!
• We then spent a couple of days in Liverpool. Christmas Day lunch was Matthew's first venture onto 'solids' ... if you can call baby porridge 'solid'! When I see the quantity of food he is now capable of sinking ....
• Everyone (Ruth excepted ... some feeble excuse about no buses running between San Francisco and York over the holiday period!) joined us in Bishopthorpe for Matthew's christening on the 29th. I think it was the first time since the wedding that many had been across and certainly the first time many had been to our 'new' house. One particular memory is of Matthew being left fast asleep in his car seat under the Christmas Tree whilst all around him ate, drank and made merry!

Christmas Present ...

Spending this year in York. Brenda (Julie's mum) joined us yesterday, but no John (Julie's brother) this year as he has some feeble excuse about a couple of cricket matches in Melbourne and Syndey. He's usually quite a good 'good luck charm' when England are abroad. Hope that the magic works again this year!

Mum and Dad (Monica and Ken) joining us here in York this evening ... in time for the Christmas Eve 6pm 'Children's Mass', which always involves a large cast of tiny and not so tiny shepherds, kings and angels ... including Riley children.

Ths santa should be kept secret

Happy Christmas to all you bloggers. Best wishes from the Woodstock outpost of the Riley clan. Speak to you on Christmas day and see you on the 29th. Simon and Ruth.

3 schoolchildren

For those of you who haven't seen all 3 of the children in uniform, this photo was taken on their first day back at school in September. Somehow (??) Misses White (Grace), Richards (Siobhan) and unbelievably Minnitt (Matthew) have survived the term!

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!

Hi everyone! Thought I'd try out a family and friends blog this Xmas. Hoping to receive contributionsfrom as far a field as Edinburgh, Oxford, Cornwall, Liverpool and even Australia ... if John Woolgar can pull himself any from a 'bar' long enough to get to a 'cafe' ... internet cafe that is!